3rd
Because we can
I’ve been all up in the fashion zeitgeist lately, so I wanted to do a little review of some of the horrors to come in 2010 (according to an episode of the Today Show…from January. Sorry).
1) The snuggie has evolved. It now encases the human form, and comes with a bonus ass flap. This is an excuse for innovation—everyone knows this is the same outfit that orphan toddlers in 1930s cartoons wear:
2) Recycling colors and fabrics and branding them as Alice and Wonderland-inspired:
I see this as a warning for the whimsy madness that is to come. The movie opens on March 3rd, so it is only a matter of weeks before Lady Gaga starts accessorizing with toadstools and Venice beach hookah vendors begin to dress in larval attire. I heart Tim Burton’s psychadelic mind vomit, but of all the Alice and Wonderland adaptations, why can’t we draw from 1993’s Adventures in Wonderland TV series and its neurotic rollerblading hare?:
3) What’s that, Kathy Lee? You’ve got a hair bow? We’re over this right???
4) Then come the hair necklaces.
This defeats the purpose of my long hair entirely. I’ve worked really hard to grow my hair out and it’s almost reached homeostasis—i.e. ruddy sea kelp—and now some craftster had to go follicular on a jump ring.
5) Fake tats, in iconic symbols, like “blossoms, birds, and pearls”
But hark! There has been a major miscommunication in the fashion world, as evident by Armani’s photo campaign featuring Megan Fox and her conspicuous non-tattoos:
6) CLOGS, coated in the hairs of young stallions. Probably.
