30th
Gringolandia esta mucha enferma and shit
So I lost my health insurance on October 1st.
Without it, there is only so much that a gimp like myself can do to maintain my health and she-virility, sans covered services. It mostly comes down to…
1) Prevention
Specifically, I’ve prohibited myself from doing the moonwalk while drunk. The last thing I need is a trip to the ER to mend another snapped metatarsal from impaired footwork in the basement of Zeta Psi (sorry! drunkJacquie is still in college).
2) Discernment in dating: Is he sponge-worthy?
You realize that my fellow classmates and I, fresh from the delusion our beloved “clean” Yale bubble, are terrified of hooking up in the real world. From our POV it is a realm of pestilence, death, and viruses that hibernate in hot people and give you weeping sores. But srsly, my negative STD test is pretty much the only thing I’ve got going for me right now. No gatecrashers.
3) Non-shitty food that makes you shit more
I recently had a terrifying vision that one day I would roll out of bed shaped like a mason jar if I continue on my “would-be-obese-with-lower-metabolism-diet”. I have been gradually transitioning to a healthier place—you can now find me lacerating fresh melons in the kitchen instead of slobbering on pork niblets in secrecy.
That’s about it. Oh and most of my daily water intake has been supplemented with EmergenC, to stave off the scurvy.
